So I almost paid $40 for a bag of dirt

{Scene: Outside Legends right after Bingo}
{Zoom in Tight on Me coming out the front doors looking sexy and very drunk}

Bingo was over and I was all by my lonesome since Shanks had left halfway through, presumably to go home and jerk off to shemale hoagi-instertion porn.

I deftly crossed the street dodging cars like a gymnast(y). As I crossed the street I was approached by a lean colored fella. He introed himself as Jerry and asked what I was up to.

I explain to my new amigo that I was planning on going home, smoking a fat bowl, and then going to bed. Jerry's eyes twinkled as I metioned smoking HERB. He said "yo man you looking to buy any dank tonight?"

As my supply had become dangerously low, and I was very drunk, I told Jerry that yes indeed I would be interested in buying some dank tonight. Jerry explained that for "bout fotty bucks" I could get an 8th of "this dank ass purple kush."

Drunk as I was, I decided this was a good business venture. Jerry followed me to the ATM outside Murphy's where I withdrew "BOUT FOTTY BUCKS." Jerry then intstructed me to follow him to where his homies were "sittin on bout a pound of dis kush."

This ended up being an apartment building about a block north of Legends. Jerry told me I had to wait outside, where it had begun to rain, while he went to get THEM DANK NUGZZZZZ.

As I waited in the rain, I began to wonder how stupid I really was. After a long wait Jerry returned with a small package of some sort in a wrapped up grocery bag.

This began a conversation that went in a sort of infinite loop.

LEAN NEGRO NAMED JERRY: Heres the weed, can I get that FOTTY BUCKS now?
Me: Uh, can I see the weed first?
LEAN NEGRO NAMED JERRY: Nah, man too many cops around man I can't show it to you here.
Me: Well where can you show it to me?
LEAN NEGRO NAMED JERRY: Nah man trust me its good, I aint rippin you off.
Me: I trust you man, I just want to see it.
LEAN NEGRO NAMED JERRY: Nah man can I get that FOTTY BUCKS NOW?

After about 10 minutes of this, I broke the loop by telling my new buddy Jerry that I was about to piss myself if I couldnt get to a bathroom. I suggested to Jerry that I go back into Legends and relieve myself.

I went in to Legends, walked over to Tony and Mel and quickly apprised them of the situation before heading to the pisser.

As I pissed all over the wall next to the urinal, I felt like I had escaped Jerry's wrath. As soon as I left the bathroom however I was greeted by Jerry's gaunt visage.

LEAN NEGRO NAMED JERRY: YO MAN I NEED THAT FOTTY NOW AND WHAT WAS YOU TELLIN THAT WHITE DUDE UP NEAR THE BAR

Again I requested to see the "DANK NUGZ OF DAT PURPLE KUSH" and was denied.

At this point I felt safe enough inside Legends to end this whole charade.

Me: Jerry, If I can't see the weed, I'm not gonna give you any money. Also that white guy at the bar I was talking to is a cop.

The prospect of Tony being a cop sent Jerry scurrying for the door. Using the $40 I had withdrawn and then not had stolen from me I felt like a rich man with a new lease on $40.

So I ordered 3 beers for myself.

After chugging my beers, I convinced Mel to drive me home so that I wouldn't be shanked by Jerry in the parking lot.

The only thing I wish is that I knew what that asshole had in the bag...