a Turd in your Reuben
I've got a few little topics to cover here, so away we go.
Jagoffs Who Come in At Close
It seems like every time I have to work a closing shift at the deli some assholes come in during the last minute or so we are open and order some food. This is the most infuriating thing on earth, because when you are working in the kitchen all you want to do is leave as soon as we close and go home. We already have everything cleaned and mopped and ready to go. Then some shithead trounces in an orders 8 sandwiches to go. Now we have 15 minutes worth of sandwich making to do plus cleaning up after it. These people however are gleeful. "OH HELL YEAH THEY ARENT CLOSED YET IM GONNA GET MY SANDWHICH!!!!" Yeah you are buddy, plus some of the meat that was on the floor all day.
You should never piss off someone who is about to give you some sort of service. You wouldn't tell a surgeon right before surgery that you've been fucking his 16 year old daughter, because you don't want to die. Making sandwiches and doing surgery may not be exactly the same, but the same concept applies. Although someone did almost die at the deli the other day because they couldn't read.
If you have a horrific food allergy of some sort why the fuck wouldn't you take the time to read what comes on your sandwhich, and oh I don't know, make sure it doesn't contain something that will cause your sudden death. If you can't take the time to read the 6 ingredients on the sandwhich and determine if any of them are deadly to you, then I feel no remorse for your death because you are a waste of oxygen.
I almost got killed at Little Caesars
So I drive past the same LC every day on my way to work and there is always the same guy outside jumping up and down and franticly waving his "HOT N READY" sign. This guy really gets into it. I mean he is really working this fucking sign. So I make it a point to slow down, lock eyes with him and then smile and give him the finger. I would guess that this is not the highlight of his day, yet it brings a smile to my face on my way to work.
Everything was fine until I went to get my haircut the other day. I forgot that the hair cuttery is directly next to the LC in this small retail park. As I'm slowing down to turn in, I see this guy again and I can tell that he recognizes me. Now I'm a bit worried as psychos are drawn to me normally and I have been just abusing this fucker for weeks. I got out of the car and he just turned and stared me down as I went inside. On my way out as I was leaving I got in my car and started to leave. I slowed down, waved to him and smiled, then busted out the finger.
An Interaction I observed
So I was at the local Kroger at around 10 pm central standard time. I was loading my werewolf killer*. I head towards the checkout and lo and behold, there is only one lane open even though multiple employees were standing around. So now I'm stuck in this 15 person line just to buy a couple goddamn beers. So I'm trying to patiently wait in line and fighting the urge to just start drinking the beers while I wait.
A couple people behind me in line is a group of 3 people. An incredibly gay man in girl jeans and a tight t-shirt with the sleeves cut off that shows his midriff. THIS DUDE LOVES COCK. He is with 2 gross fat late 20's bitchs all decked out in club gear. They are waiting in line and buying some booze too. The gay man was purchasing some cheap vodka so I had to give him props. The 2 gross chicks were just miserable and hurt my soul. So then someone else comes in line behind them. A middle aged woman and her daughter. The mom is decked out in a camo shirt and sweatpants and the daughter is wearing a tie die shirt and sweats. They just oozed white trash trailer park. These two groups seemed fairly opposite to me.
BUT the WTM (WHITE TRASH MOM) started up a conversation. "OMG I LOVE YOUR OUTFIT YOU WIN THE PRIZE FOR TONIGHT!" This directed at the gay man. He thanks her. first off whats the prize and what are the criteria. She then begins complimenting the gross women on their outfits as well but insists that "HE IS DEFINITELY THE PRIZE WINNER" Then after a bit more outfit complimenting, the daughter pipes up and says "MOM IS THAT GUY GAY?" The mom looks at the guy, and he says "Yeah sweetie, I'm gay." Then the child says "I knew he was gay mom, he looks like uncle Paul." HEY UNCLE PAUL IF YOU READIN THIS EVERYONE KNOWS YOU GAY DUDE.
*THIS MEANS BUYING A 6 PACK OF COORS LIGHT THE SILVER BULLET. SILVER BULLETS KILL WEREWOLVES IF YOU HAVENT FIGURED IT OUT YET.
Jagoffs Who Come in At Close
It seems like every time I have to work a closing shift at the deli some assholes come in during the last minute or so we are open and order some food. This is the most infuriating thing on earth, because when you are working in the kitchen all you want to do is leave as soon as we close and go home. We already have everything cleaned and mopped and ready to go. Then some shithead trounces in an orders 8 sandwiches to go. Now we have 15 minutes worth of sandwich making to do plus cleaning up after it. These people however are gleeful. "OH HELL YEAH THEY ARENT CLOSED YET IM GONNA GET MY SANDWHICH!!!!" Yeah you are buddy, plus some of the meat that was on the floor all day.
You should never piss off someone who is about to give you some sort of service. You wouldn't tell a surgeon right before surgery that you've been fucking his 16 year old daughter, because you don't want to die. Making sandwiches and doing surgery may not be exactly the same, but the same concept applies. Although someone did almost die at the deli the other day because they couldn't read.
If you have a horrific food allergy of some sort why the fuck wouldn't you take the time to read what comes on your sandwhich, and oh I don't know, make sure it doesn't contain something that will cause your sudden death. If you can't take the time to read the 6 ingredients on the sandwhich and determine if any of them are deadly to you, then I feel no remorse for your death because you are a waste of oxygen.
I almost got killed at Little Caesars
So I drive past the same LC every day on my way to work and there is always the same guy outside jumping up and down and franticly waving his "HOT N READY" sign. This guy really gets into it. I mean he is really working this fucking sign. So I make it a point to slow down, lock eyes with him and then smile and give him the finger. I would guess that this is not the highlight of his day, yet it brings a smile to my face on my way to work.
Everything was fine until I went to get my haircut the other day. I forgot that the hair cuttery is directly next to the LC in this small retail park. As I'm slowing down to turn in, I see this guy again and I can tell that he recognizes me. Now I'm a bit worried as psychos are drawn to me normally and I have been just abusing this fucker for weeks. I got out of the car and he just turned and stared me down as I went inside. On my way out as I was leaving I got in my car and started to leave. I slowed down, waved to him and smiled, then busted out the finger.
An Interaction I observed
So I was at the local Kroger at around 10 pm central standard time. I was loading my werewolf killer*. I head towards the checkout and lo and behold, there is only one lane open even though multiple employees were standing around. So now I'm stuck in this 15 person line just to buy a couple goddamn beers. So I'm trying to patiently wait in line and fighting the urge to just start drinking the beers while I wait.
A couple people behind me in line is a group of 3 people. An incredibly gay man in girl jeans and a tight t-shirt with the sleeves cut off that shows his midriff. THIS DUDE LOVES COCK. He is with 2 gross fat late 20's bitchs all decked out in club gear. They are waiting in line and buying some booze too. The gay man was purchasing some cheap vodka so I had to give him props. The 2 gross chicks were just miserable and hurt my soul. So then someone else comes in line behind them. A middle aged woman and her daughter. The mom is decked out in a camo shirt and sweatpants and the daughter is wearing a tie die shirt and sweats. They just oozed white trash trailer park. These two groups seemed fairly opposite to me.
BUT the WTM (WHITE TRASH MOM) started up a conversation. "OMG I LOVE YOUR OUTFIT YOU WIN THE PRIZE FOR TONIGHT!" This directed at the gay man. He thanks her. first off whats the prize and what are the criteria. She then begins complimenting the gross women on their outfits as well but insists that "HE IS DEFINITELY THE PRIZE WINNER" Then after a bit more outfit complimenting, the daughter pipes up and says "MOM IS THAT GUY GAY?" The mom looks at the guy, and he says "Yeah sweetie, I'm gay." Then the child says "I knew he was gay mom, he looks like uncle Paul." HEY UNCLE PAUL IF YOU READIN THIS EVERYONE KNOWS YOU GAY DUDE.
*THIS MEANS BUYING A 6 PACK OF COORS LIGHT THE SILVER BULLET. SILVER BULLETS KILL WEREWOLVES IF YOU HAVENT FIGURED IT OUT YET.
posted by Smacko at
10:24 PM
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