Ed Begley Jr. hosts AMERICAS NEXT TOP CELEBRITY GARBAGE MAN
This has been brewing inside me for a while now, so I might as well "spray it all over the internet like diarrhea."
I guess I bring this on myself by occasionally seeing what is on vh1, but I am amazed at how absolutely pitiful most of their shows are now. VH1 used to show behind the music and at least attempt to cover music, but it has now gone the way of the awful reality show.
Vh1 is actually pushing the envelope for shitty reality tv further than it ever should have gone. I'll start by adressing a show they have called "VIVA HOLLYWOOD." In this awful show, wanna be latino actors and actresses compete in challenges in an attempt to win something to do with being on a spanish speaking soap opera, or as they like to call them "telenovella" An awful term, seeing as how it attempts to compare shitty soap operas to a novel or novella. I could understand the appeal of this show if it was on a spanish language based channel or even a channel that had a popular soap opera. I just don't understand how this benefits VH1 at all, normally they whore the winners of their shows out and use their new popularity for something but what the fuck is vh1 going to do with a wanna be soap opera whore, especially one who can hardly even speak fucking english. The highlight of this show, is one guy who is a total cock and in the five minutes I watched just kept talking about how he was going to take everyone down one by one.
Who the fuck are they targeting with this show? I somehow doubt a shitload of hispanic moms are gonna randomly flip by vh1 in the afternoon and say HOLY SHIT A REALITY SHOW CATERED TOWARDS MY DEMOGRAPHIC THAT IS ON A TOTALLY UNRELATED CHANNEL I BETTER START WATCHING THIS EVERY WEEK. Worst case scenario, it takes normal vh1 viewers and gets them interested in soap operas so they start watching those instead of vh1.
The next show on my list is I KNOW MY KID IS A STAR hosted by none other than Danny Bonaduce. This show is basically just horrible stage mothers committing child abuse on film in the hopes of winning some sort of contract that their kid probably really isn't that interested in. First off, I love the fact that Danny Bonaduce is the host because he is a living monument to how fucked you become when you are a child star. It is a not-so-subtle way of rubbing the parents face in the fact that they are awful and destroying any chance of their kids living a happy life. With each elimination, Danny gives a knowing smile to the camera, as if to say the longer these kids stay here the more they enter my twisted realm. The saddest thing is that Bonaduce is actually fairly successful compared to most former child star fuckups, even though his success is directly related to him being a child star fuck up. These parents have to stand there as Danny Bonaduce, a man who skate boarded to a liquor store and then chugged vodka and cranberry juice in the parking lot, decides which one of their children is lucky enough to follow in his esteemed footsteps.
I would fucking love it if vh1 just turned over the master tapes to child services after the show wraps and these awful parents lose custody and lose their share of the money that their "star child" will make. Dragging your kid onto a reality tv show hosted by an alcoholic steroid freak and then verbally abusing them has to break at least one or two laws.
The next abortion of a reality show is Celebracadabra. A reality tv show ALA DANCING WITH THE STARS, SKATING WITH THE STARS, SINGING WITH THE STARS, GARDENING WITH THE STARS, and SHOPLIFTING WITH THE STARS. 7 "celebrities" and I use that term loosely, team up with 7 magicians to see GASP who can become the best celeb magician. You know how fucking shitty this show is when you look at the fabulous celebs they pulled in. The only two I actually recognize are Hal Sparks and Carnie Wilson, OH WAIT they also got Kid from KID'N'PLAY. A real haul of A-listers you got there. Hal Sparks doesn't do shit but vh1's best week ever. Carnie Wilson is the fat chick from wilson phillips who lost weight on vh1s fat celebrities lose weight show. And Kid, well I don't know what back alley they found his ass in.
Do they really think people will invest an hour of their time just for the mediocre payoff of Hal Sparks failing to pull a rabbit out of his hat and Kid smoking a cigarette instead of putting it through a coin?
I really want to meet the bigwigs at vh1 who green light these shows. I bet I could down a fifth of vodka go into a meeting shit on the table and then propose that they do a reality show where celebrities battle to become a janitor at a public highschool and they would buy it. "OH YES!! We could do a challenge where they avoid getting caught fucking the girl in the janitor closet!" "YES! And another to see who can make the most money sellin weed to the kids during lunch." "Don't forget a challenge where they have to avoid getting killed in a school shooting!!" Fucking brilliant.
I have a million equally brilliant shows in my head, I just need to get hired at vh1 and I can go to town. Just wait until you see Ed Begley Jr hosting a reality show where spoiled celebs have to become PARK RANGERS! Paris Hilton in the woods OMG! This would be a big hit since it can be all about GOING GREEN.
It just boggles my mind that people are willing to put up money to back such awful shows. What happened to, you know, writing scripts that were entertaining and hiring actors to actually act instead of compete in challenges?
I guess I bring this on myself by occasionally seeing what is on vh1, but I am amazed at how absolutely pitiful most of their shows are now. VH1 used to show behind the music and at least attempt to cover music, but it has now gone the way of the awful reality show.
Vh1 is actually pushing the envelope for shitty reality tv further than it ever should have gone. I'll start by adressing a show they have called "VIVA HOLLYWOOD." In this awful show, wanna be latino actors and actresses compete in challenges in an attempt to win something to do with being on a spanish speaking soap opera, or as they like to call them "telenovella" An awful term, seeing as how it attempts to compare shitty soap operas to a novel or novella. I could understand the appeal of this show if it was on a spanish language based channel or even a channel that had a popular soap opera. I just don't understand how this benefits VH1 at all, normally they whore the winners of their shows out and use their new popularity for something but what the fuck is vh1 going to do with a wanna be soap opera whore, especially one who can hardly even speak fucking english. The highlight of this show, is one guy who is a total cock and in the five minutes I watched just kept talking about how he was going to take everyone down one by one.
Who the fuck are they targeting with this show? I somehow doubt a shitload of hispanic moms are gonna randomly flip by vh1 in the afternoon and say HOLY SHIT A REALITY SHOW CATERED TOWARDS MY DEMOGRAPHIC THAT IS ON A TOTALLY UNRELATED CHANNEL I BETTER START WATCHING THIS EVERY WEEK. Worst case scenario, it takes normal vh1 viewers and gets them interested in soap operas so they start watching those instead of vh1.
The next show on my list is I KNOW MY KID IS A STAR hosted by none other than Danny Bonaduce. This show is basically just horrible stage mothers committing child abuse on film in the hopes of winning some sort of contract that their kid probably really isn't that interested in. First off, I love the fact that Danny Bonaduce is the host because he is a living monument to how fucked you become when you are a child star. It is a not-so-subtle way of rubbing the parents face in the fact that they are awful and destroying any chance of their kids living a happy life. With each elimination, Danny gives a knowing smile to the camera, as if to say the longer these kids stay here the more they enter my twisted realm. The saddest thing is that Bonaduce is actually fairly successful compared to most former child star fuckups, even though his success is directly related to him being a child star fuck up. These parents have to stand there as Danny Bonaduce, a man who skate boarded to a liquor store and then chugged vodka and cranberry juice in the parking lot, decides which one of their children is lucky enough to follow in his esteemed footsteps.
I would fucking love it if vh1 just turned over the master tapes to child services after the show wraps and these awful parents lose custody and lose their share of the money that their "star child" will make. Dragging your kid onto a reality tv show hosted by an alcoholic steroid freak and then verbally abusing them has to break at least one or two laws.
The next abortion of a reality show is Celebracadabra. A reality tv show ALA DANCING WITH THE STARS, SKATING WITH THE STARS, SINGING WITH THE STARS, GARDENING WITH THE STARS, and SHOPLIFTING WITH THE STARS. 7 "celebrities" and I use that term loosely, team up with 7 magicians to see GASP who can become the best celeb magician. You know how fucking shitty this show is when you look at the fabulous celebs they pulled in. The only two I actually recognize are Hal Sparks and Carnie Wilson, OH WAIT they also got Kid from KID'N'PLAY. A real haul of A-listers you got there. Hal Sparks doesn't do shit but vh1's best week ever. Carnie Wilson is the fat chick from wilson phillips who lost weight on vh1s fat celebrities lose weight show. And Kid, well I don't know what back alley they found his ass in.
Do they really think people will invest an hour of their time just for the mediocre payoff of Hal Sparks failing to pull a rabbit out of his hat and Kid smoking a cigarette instead of putting it through a coin?
I really want to meet the bigwigs at vh1 who green light these shows. I bet I could down a fifth of vodka go into a meeting shit on the table and then propose that they do a reality show where celebrities battle to become a janitor at a public highschool and they would buy it. "OH YES!! We could do a challenge where they avoid getting caught fucking the girl in the janitor closet!" "YES! And another to see who can make the most money sellin weed to the kids during lunch." "Don't forget a challenge where they have to avoid getting killed in a school shooting!!" Fucking brilliant.
I have a million equally brilliant shows in my head, I just need to get hired at vh1 and I can go to town. Just wait until you see Ed Begley Jr hosting a reality show where spoiled celebs have to become PARK RANGERS! Paris Hilton in the woods OMG! This would be a big hit since it can be all about GOING GREEN.
It just boggles my mind that people are willing to put up money to back such awful shows. What happened to, you know, writing scripts that were entertaining and hiring actors to actually act instead of compete in challenges?
posted by Smacko at
4:50 PM
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